I would like to take this moment to apologize for there being no recent posts – I had a minor medical emergency middle of last week, and my depression/bipolar/PTSD combo is in the middle of kicking my booty across the state.

We will return to our regularly non-scheduled updates as soon as possible.

Thank you,



Blog For International Women’s Day

Oh, of course I have to forget about that whole thing.  I’m good at forgetting stuff, you see.

Basically, today is Blog for International Women’s Day, a compilation of different people around the world talking about women’s rights and other assorted subjects.  There are several topics to choose from, and I thought we could touch on the question, “What does ‘equal rights for all mean to you?’.”

To me, equal rights is something that I’ve dreamed about for a long, long time.  It is something to work towards, but at the same time we need to realize that it will always be something we need to work for – it will never be finished, there will never be a “post-equality society,” much as I wish there would be.

Equality would be not having to bring my boyfriend to the car dealer so they’ll talk to me.

Equality would be equal pay for equal work [did you know that current estimates are that women make only $.87 for every dollar that a man makes?], and not being discriminated against in my choice of jobs, training for jobs, or my career choices.

Equality would be my friends who are gay/bi/non-cisgendered not being afraid to tell their friends of their orientation.

Equality would be the lack of need for a “gender neutral” dorm at college.

Equality would be a day when we don’t need reports on what women make compared to men, reports on how many women are CEOs of big companies, reports on how many women are graduating from college.

Equality would be free and easy access to birth control and abortions in case of an accident.

Equality for all would be the day when men aren’t mocked for being a stay at home dad, women don’t feel the need to apologize for not wanting to be a stay at home mom, women would not be hounded and mocked for deciding not to have children, men would not feel the need to protect themselves from an “oops” baby, child support is equal and based on actual need, women and men who are abused have access to the same help in escaping an abusive situation.  Equality would be a women being able to walk down the street at night without worrying if the man coming her way will rape her, beat her, mug her, kill her.

Equality would also mean that people with disabilities/medical conditions aren’t pitied or made fun of or their lives made more difficult because of a perceived weakness or sin or lack of willpower.  Equality means that all patients are treated the same, never told that they’re “drug seeking” simply because certain medications don’t work, that they are not denied medical treatment because their insurance company cut them off or there is a perceived “lack of medical need” or because they don’t have the money.

Equality would be the word “gay” never being used to describe something as “stupid,” the word “retard” never being used to say “he’s dumb,” “crazy” never used for “a little weird,” “lame” is not a synonym for “uncool.”

Equality, again… it sometimes seems like a pipe dream, because every time it seems we make two or three steps forward, others pull us back.  This, however, doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying for it, stop talking about it, stop working for it, stop wishing for it on every first star in the sky, stop pushing every person I know to stop and think about what the gender/sex/race/anything imbalance does to our society, our children, our world.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what equality means to me.

[While you’re here, please click on the image to be taken to the host site for Blog for IWD, to explore every blog that has touched on this topic today.  Thank you.]

Oh, fat hating! Fun times

The other night my partner and I went to see Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, and Larry the Cable Guy at the Key Arena in Seattle.  The show was great, for the most part, we had a great time, the nachos were delicious, the end.

Except not really.  As usual, Jeff and Bill were the best parts of the program, while Larry… I wanted to shrink through the floor.  Larry seems to rely on crude “jokes” and fat-hating, slut-shaming, trans/gay-phobic routines to get a barrel of laughs.  And what’s really sad is that most of the people there [that I could see, at any rate] were laughing as hard as they possibly could.

For example:

My wife sent me to get a bucket of lard at Costco, and while I couldn’t find any in the store I found one at customer service, and I was scared of going up and asking a bucket of lard for a bucket of lard.

Ugh, gag him with a stick.  Please.  This kind of fat hate is not only stupid and crude, but it can be dangerous.  These kinds of things can inspire hatred, fatphobia, and sometimes even violence in extreme cases.  It’s already hard enough living life as a Fatty Fat McFatterson, but to have your size, something that you may not even have control over, mocked by someone as “famous” as Larry, it’s extremely disheartening and it feels oh-so-cruel when you realize that everyone around you is laughing because of someone who may even be smaller than you are.

The thing is, it’s not like we don’t know we’re fat.  Every time we look in the mirror, we see it.  Every time we put on clothes, we see it.  Every time we get on the scale, go outside, go to the doctor, try to buy clothing or bras or panties or even just a bathrobe, we see it.  So what do they hope to do?  Are they thinking that their laughter will somehow ~inspire~ us to lose our fat asses [that we obviously gained through being lazy] or get on the treadmill as soon as we get home?

It seems like the majority of people simply assume that we got this way by eating a cake after every meal and eight courses for dinner every day.  It also seems that there are a number of “former fats” who slimmed down with “diet and exercise” and now assume that combination will work for everyone, but never take into consideration things like thyroid problems, pre- or full diabetes, PCOS [polycystic ovarian syndrome, a hormonal imbalance], or any one of a number of different conditions that can affect weight loss/gain.

Personally, I am quite sick and tired of my health being fodder for public discussion.  And that’s what it is.  I’ve caught a number of people talking behind my back about how “nasty” I was and how I should just shut my mouth and stop eating, and so on [never mind the fact that I have mild to moderate hypoglycemia, and need to eat regularly so I don’t pass out] and so forth.  People honestly think that because I’m not an “accepted” size that they can discuss my health and my body with no compunction around me, as if I belonged to them.

News flash, world: fat people don’t “belong” to anyone but themselves.  If someone decided to talk about, say, your haircut or your tan or your child or anything about you like people talk about us?  You’d be up in arms having a fit.  So please.  Cut it out.

And while I’m at it?  Stop acting like we’re fodder for comedy routines.  Larry, this means you too.