some random things

In more than one place I’m active in, whether it’s real life or internet life, I’m running into a lot of abortion drama.  and by drama sometimes I mean “fights.”  I’m in an interesting position, because I grew up staunchly pro-“life,” and as I’ve matured and distanced myself from very certain people and religious beliefs, I’ve flipped across the aisle to HELL YEAH I’M PRO-CHOICE!

Some people don’t understand, others do.  It depends on their background, their life experiences… their beliefs in feminism and female autonomy.  It depends on a lot of things, things I can’t even begin to enumerate here because I am not all women.  Or men, for that matter.  So what I speak about, I speak for myself and myself alone.

Part of the reason that I “became” pro-choice was that I was faced with a harsh reality: attempting to keep a pregnancy to term would be Quite Bad for me, and could in fact lead to death.  My uterus is not exactly hospitable, I have enough health conditions that pregnancy would really, really suck, and to top it off I would be required to go off of my psychotropics.  And going off them is a bad idea since I could wind up, y’know, killing myself.  And honestly, I’m not ready to die over something I don’t want.

And as I realized this, right around the time that I became involved with my boyfriend, I realized that I had a choice.  A choice to live happy and stable on my medications, or to face the risk of dying [or killing myself] in an attempt to carry a fetus to term.  And depending on my choice, I could require the services of an abortion provider.  I think that I half-formed a nebulous plan at that point, and we did discuss what we would do in case of an accident, but I was cocky.  I didn’t think my BC would fail, because I was on the Ring and was pretty close to perfect use.

I thought I would never need to face that choice.

I was wrong.  I was late.  And I had a fair amount of pregnancy symptoms.  And so I flipped out.  For the first time, it really hit me that this is why abortion should be legal: so that women have a choice, a chance to decide their own fate.

I didn’t have an abortion, since I miscarried.  I was still very early along, but far enough that it really, really sucked to bleed that much [and for me to say that, it’s a helluva lot of blood] and be that hormonal until things evened out.

It happened again about four or five months later, and by that time I was on the Pill.  Apparently I’m hyper-fertile.  Lucky me, right?  And again, it was driven home that if my body hadn’t removed the parasite, I would’ve had to choose.  To choose between almost certain death, either at the hand of my conditions or by my own hand, and something I had spent twenty-two years believing was wrong.

Having to make that choice can really change a person.  To realize that all you knew about the subject was either a lie or a severe exaggeration.  To look at the website of Planned Parenthood, and finally “get” why they exist.

Now, even though I’m sterile, I am what some would term “rabidly pro-choice.”  And I’m not sorry.  I’m not sorry that I support quality of life, the right to end a dangerous pregnancy, a woman’s bodily autonomy, a chance for her to live her life in comfort, safety, and security.  I volunteer with my local Planned Parenthood in a number of different roles, and I talk about it, I blog about it, I spread the word.

And I’m not sorry.


This weekend was the one-year anniversary of Dr. Tiller’s murder.  And I’m still absolutely stunned that his murderer, the terrorist, was actually convicted for murder.  While we were hoping for it, I got the impression that a lot of us didn’t believe it would happen, because that’s the society we live in.

I’ve said multiple times that I would gladly give my life to stop that from happening here.  And when I did escort shifts, every time I approached the clinic and prepared for the day, I had to give myself a little pep talk, to calm myself.  Because even though this is a small community, the fact that we even have protesters speaks to the danger.  We’ve had people arrested for trying to get inside the clinic with a knife.  One of our sister clinics was almost the scene of a mass murder, if the police hadn’t gotten there as fast as they did.  And so, knowing that, it was very hard for me to get out of the car, put on my vest, and stand for all the world to see.

And yet, I would do it again.  I would stand there until the end of the world if I could, to help and protect those seeking services.  I would take a bullet, a knife, a bomb, if I could save the life of someone who was just trying to do what they thought was best for them.

And again, George Tiller, rest in peace.  Know that people loved you, and were so incredibly grateful that you did the work you did, because you saved lives.  You saved lives and you treated them with dignity.


To anyone who lives in Alaska: please help us defeat Initiative 2 this August.  I’m helping out by phone banking from another state [yeah, that leads to some interesting conversations!], but if you’re on the ground, anything you do would be amazing and great.

Initiative 2 would require parental notification for teens under 18 to get an abortion.  Ew.  Obviously this interferes with a woman’s bodily autonomy and places the government into a private discussion between her and her doctor[s], but in addition to that, it places teens in danger.  While the vast majority of them do try to involve a family member [parent, sibling, grandparent, whatever] in the process, there are also a lot who can’t.  Either because they’re not living with their parents, or they’re from an abusive situation, or a very religious one, or any number of other possibilities.

Imagine, if you will: a fourteen year old girl has been raped, and now she’s pregnant.  She can’t tell her parents because they’re very religious and see all premarital sex as a sin, and on top of that believe that all rapes occur because the woman ~tempted~ the man with her evil slutty ways.  If they found out she was raped, let alone pregnant, she would be in danger of: beatings, forced pregnancy and adoption once the child is born, being thrown out on the street, even death.

It is for these situations that we must defeat this measure.


I’ve been told by my doctor that my back pain is entirely due to my “body morphology,” whatever the hell that means.  Except I do know what it means: it’s my fault because I’m fat.  I got instructed to work out six days a week for at least an hour [or more] per day.

Right, I’ll get right on that.  But first, Mr. Doctor Man, can you tell me — how will I do this?  I have fibromyalgia, which means that I can either: work out three days a week for about an hour per day, OR work out four or five days a week for about thirty minutes.  If I do more than that, I’m basically bedridden for a week or so.

*eyeroll*  I’m not saying that eating better and being more active is a bad thing, and yeah, I’ve been wanting to work on that for some time.  However, a] if I’m forced to do it my motivation is about zip, and b] it’s not likely to impact my weight, period.

I am just incredibly tired of the fatphobia and fat-hate that is so prevalent in the medical world.  Bah, humbug indeed.


I will be “tabling” with Planned Parenthood this summer at the local fairs, which means I work the booth.  Awesome!  It’s going to be a ton of fun [plus hey, funnel cakes!] and I’m excited about the chance to interact with the community more about something that is so important.  Apparently people know us as “those people who give out condoms!” which I’m actually okay with, seeing as protection is SO necessary.

I just need to remember my sunscreen, or I will be as fried as the funnel cakes.



  1. June 9, 2010 at 2:51 am

    […] &#1109&#959m&#1077 random things « Mor Aduial: D&#1072rk Evening […]

  2. lilyanneporter said,

    June 10, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    I’m from CA, so for three years I worked to defeat the props about parental notification, one after another after another. (Prop 73, Prop 85, Prop 4). That was so damn tiring.

    I talk about it, I blog about it, I spread the word.

    And I thank you for it.

  3. lilyanneporter said,

    June 10, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    Oh, forgot to mention, I’ve done a lot of tabling in my life: don’t forget to bring water and some kind of quick snack for an energy boost.

    • Kaie said,

      June 11, 2010 at 6:19 am

      *hah*! Thanks for the tip! I’ve got my bottle of SPF80, a giant water bottle, and [as usual] I’ll need to stock up on snacks for the hypoglycemia.

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